Becoming Impossible

I keep hearing how 2011 was a rough year for a lot of people, so I’m counting myself lucky...

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 10:02:10 -0500

I keep hearing how 2011 was a rough year for a lot of people, so I’m counting myself lucky that it didn’t seem so bad to me, not bad at all. It was a quiet year of settling happily into a certain kind of life. I’m totally okay with that. I have a feeling 2012 will be more of a big decision kind of year.

In 2011, I spent time creating a happy household with my best friend, making plans for our future together; this next year will be about putting the plans into action. There will be more traveling and yet less uprooting, and probably a lot more expanding of our little bubble of comfort and even more plans. I’m happy to know that our future just keeps growing steadily but not uncomfortably.

My job developed into a career this past year, a career I never thought I’d have or even want, something I’m still not sure about. This year will be about where that is going to take me, what new opportunities will arise. I feel like I’ve learned a lot about what I don’t want, so this year I might have to stop being such a chicken and make decisions towards what I do actually want.

I joined a gym for the first time last spring and actually gained some resolve over the summer, because I don’t make resolutions at the normal time everyone else does. I’ve been going 3-4 times a week ever since, and feel so much better on a regular basis.

What I want for myself this year is based on feelings. I want to feel:

- Accomplished/productive: I want to set and achieve goals for myself, both professionally and personally. Maybe setting goals is what people do right now, but I find I achieve more when I continually set goals and check them off, rather than create a list of things at the beginning of the year and fail to accomplish them. I want to feel proud of what I do on a regular basis.

- Peaceful: I want to relax. Like, seriously, stop thinking so hard. I’m not like my sisters, where I feel like I have to do a million things and get everything done and please everyone. My body is not stressed by that kind of determination. I don’t really get a ton of things done or have a bunch of hobbies. But my brain hurts by caring so much about nothing, by working so hard to force an office-friendly personality, by struggling to feel normal (which only makes me feel worse, obviously). I want to gain peace by letting the little things go, by not giving a shit. I have been so happy this year, but I have not been carefree. I want my day-to-day happiness to be compounded with a feeling of peace.

I am already so in love, both literally and also figuratively in love with my life and where it’s headed. I am so lucky to be this happy, and am excited for this year to put things in motion that could secure an even greater future.

It's called being efficient

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 16:44:18 -0500

It's called being efficient

First tights of the season! Tights + boots + shirtdress + apple...

Thu, 20 Oct 2011 09:52:16 -0400

First tights of the season! Tights + boots + shirtdress + apple cider & oatmeal at my desk = officially fall.

All the Single Ladies - Refusing to Settle

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 15:24:00 -0400

All the Single Ladies - Refusing to Settle:

This article is thought-provoking and also somehow feels like a relief.

“By blithely deeming biology a nonissue, I’m conveniently removing myself from arguably the most significant decision a woman has to make. But that’s only if you regard motherhood as the defining feature of womanhood - and I happen not to.”

So many people respond to my not wanting to have kids by stating that I will totally want them someday - once my biological clock kicks in. I find this totally offensive, not just because it makes it sound like my decision isn’t valid, but also because it implies that I actually have no control over that life choice. Obviously this article is more about the myths surrounding the single woman and marriage, and I’ve gathered so much from this thought-provoking discussion. Both marriage and reproduction are mind-blowing concepts that I haven’t quite figured out, and this article makes me feel totally better about that.

Um, gross. Please do not click any ad that blames women getting...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:07:18 -0400

Um, gross. Please do not click any ad that blames women getting ugly for the failure of their relationships - we’re usually pretty convinced of that all on our own.

reality bites

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 10:54:00 -0400

I can’t believe how much I hate this week, and it’s only Tuesday.

Life is way too short to spend time wishing it would pass more quickly. It makes me mad thinking about how much time I waste being frustrated. I know we can’t enjoy everything we do, but with the exception of necessary evils like paying bills, getting out of bed in the morning, and exercising, it should be mostly pleasant, right?

Something’s gotta give, I just don’t know what or how yet.

Photo

Fri, 30 Sep 2011 10:47:38 -0400

April is my hero.

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 16:25:53 -0400

April is my hero.

"I had a book, a book that presented itself to me at just the right moment, as books always seem to..."

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 11:44:42 -0400

“I had a book, a book that presented itself to me at just the right moment, as books always seem to do, and if that—the power of literature—is the big thing I believe in, that’s more than enough for me.”

- The Book Lady, “On the Magic of Reading the Right Book at the Right Time” - my new favorite blog, both local to Richmond and centered around one of the most important things in my life. Literature is a religion I’m on board with.

ready for fall now. (via artpixie:untitled (by ★KUNI★))

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:07:42 -0400

ready for fall now.

(via artpixie:untitled (by ★KUNI★))

Being at the epicenter of an earthquake just made living in Virginia a little more interesting....

Tue, 23 Aug 2011 15:52:45 -0400

Being at the epicenter of an earthquake just made living in Virginia a little more interesting. However, the earthquake itself is making the Interwebs realllllly boring. Everyone at work seems to not be interested in working anymore today.

This made my morning a little brighter, as did Whitney’s...

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 12:39:03 -0400

This made my morning a little brighter, as did Whitney’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”. Guess I’m having an 80’s day. Happy Friday!

Love List

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 12:47:00 -0400

I had a hate list going in my head this morning, because I was having a bitchy Monday morning, and then someone else’s horribly sad news gave me the reality check I needed. I have a tendency to let little things make me super cranky, so instead of pursuing the negativity with a hate list, I’m making a list of reasons my life is actually great.

-I have the love and support of a great man who makes my life better every day.

-I have a job that I enjoy.

-I have a job, period. In times like these, that seems extra important to remember.

-Two days ago, I had a fever and felt terrible, but a weekend of rest and cuddles and books and movies and hot toddies seems to have fixed it, so I am lucky to have missed the sick boat once again.

-Oh yeah, aforementioned man also makes a mean hot toddy and got me my favorite soup.

-It’s almost fall, thank goodness, which means less 100 degree weather and more soup and cider. (Ok, so, there’s more like another 2 months of summer down here, but still…close!)

-I have a home I love and continue to improve and make more ours every week.

-It stormed this weekend, and that’s something I really needed. So did my plants.

-We have really nice neighbors with really cute kitties, and they baked us cookies just for playing with the kitties while they were out of town! So nice!

Just thinking about some of the good things I have made my day a little better. (Though I still reserve the right to despise Mondays.) Pass it on.

I can’t believe the first thing I ever have published in a newspaper is going to...

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:43:02 -0400

I can’t believe the first thing I ever have published in a newspaper is going to be….this. Writing the copy wasn’t hard, but sitting here with my self-respect dwindling is pretty rough.

"I don’t have low self-esteem, I have low esteem for everyone else."

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 16:40:32 -0400

“I don’t have low self-esteem, I have low esteem for everyone else.”

- Daria Morgendorffer (via monsieur-qui)

"I love you like pink tiles and white cigarettes and the brown underfeathers of a fat hen and I do..."

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 20:22:00 -0400

“I love you like pink tiles and white cigarettes
and the brown underfeathers of a fat hen and I do not even know you, you are like my toes which I have never seen because I was born in shoes whose laces continually come undone so I am forever stooped and while I am down I gather for you all the porcupine quills left by the rain, my collection is formidable but not for sale, and when I am up I make for you color enlargements of the day: look at this cloud will you, until you arrive I will not know if the rain fell beautifully or dripped continually, I assume by now my commitment to you is transparent and that you accept the topographical error in the depths of my atlas, still there will be many mysteries between us, you were not exactly here when my alarm clock was stolen or my cat sold without my permission, but those days are behind me, after a life of expensive moments devoured by fogs they mowed the fields into haystacks, they covered the haystacks with white shrouds and rolled them off to the side like stones and brought in the trembling lights of a carnival where it is my one desire we will hang together upside down on the wheel while the crowd gasps as you kiss me.”

- -Mary Ruefle, “Peccadillo”, from Indeed I Was Pleased With The World

I have read and reread this book of poetry for years now, and I will never get over the effect this has on me.

I like my job, but lately I’ve remembered why I never wanted to do just one thing for years,...

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 19:50:00 -0400

I like my job, but lately I’ve remembered why I never wanted to do just one thing for years, just one career for life. It relaxes me to know that I will eventually do something else, just because that’s who I am.

I am grateful for all the fresh local vegetables I now get every other week. I’m also pretty sure I’m really going to need some protein soon. My body says so.

I’m trying to break some of my bad habits by learning to crochet, by keeping my hands busy. It may not be working, and it may also be giving me a new compulsion. With the amount my hands shake, it’s also not terribly practical.

I just had my first intense non-cardio workout ever, I think. I’m not generally an enthusiastic weightlifter, but that was pretty satisfying.

I’m going to start writing again in some capacity every day.

This is the week I start planning my next big move, literally and figuratively.

That is what is happening.

dreaming of the places.

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 17:49:23 -0400

dreaming of the places.

"I stand here on the summit of the mountain. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and..."

Wed, 13 Jul 2011 11:09:03 -0400

“I stand here on the summit of the mountain. I lift my head and I spread my arms. This, my body and spirit, this is the end of the quest. I wished to know the meaning of things. I am the meaning. I wished to find a warrant for being. I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction.”

- Ayn Rand, Anthem

If I had $60 to spend on something really frivolous, it would be this.

Thu, 07 Apr 2011 12:57:05 -0400

If I had $60 to spend on something really frivolous, it would be this.:

That’s how sad my life is right now, that this is on my wish list. What a solution to such a first-world problem.